Abba Father

What would happen if you were able to walk into the throne room of God the Father? Whom would you see?

Until very recently, I could not make it past the door to the throne room. God the Father did not smile. He was stern. He was unapproachable. I firmly believed-and lived-under the belief that if I “did not do everything right and well” that God would get me. I had to earn the right to be in His presence. I had to earn His approval. I had to earn His acceptance.

Jesus became my Lord and Savior when I was fifteen. I am now an adult woman in her 50s. I have a relationship with God the Son. I have a relationship with God the Holy Spirit. I did not have a relationship with God the Father.

My concept of “Father” was one of being a little skewed – to say the least. I am an adult survivor of childhood molestation and incest. The word “Father” did not compute. Actually, at this writing, I am more than a survivor. I am on a journey of discovering what it is to walk and live victoriously in the love of God the Father through His Son Jesus Christ and by the power of the Holy Spirit. I cannot express the depth of my thankfulness to the Lord for leading me towards becoming the woman He intended me to be! It is not a journey without a great deal of pain. It is one, however, of utter gratefulness to finally learning to walk in His victory.

What changed? What was the catalyst that forced me to see God the Father? Through the gift of wise counsel, I found that a core belief within my soul (based upon childhood experience) was “God does not love me” and “God cannot love me”. I had asked for forgiveness for my unbelief. I had told Him I wanted to learn of His love as Father God.

Within 24 hours of acknowledging before Him that this was what I believed, and asking forgiveness, a friend’s husband knocked on my back door, walked in, and with a huge grin on his face handed me a sack. He said, “This is from God!” and left! I looked in the bag. It was a brand new, very nice, expensive digital camera.

I feel that it needs to be understood that a camera was on my “want” list – not my “need” list! I stood in awe, looking in the bag. I got it out, set it on the dining table, and just looked at it. It sat on my table for almost 3 days. The groundwork in understanding that my core belief was that the Father did not really love me had already been revealed.

I would look at the camera and my thoughts were, “I did not earn this. I do not deserve this. What do I have to do to keep it?” In my mind, God the Father loving me did not align with God the Father the giver of a digital camera! Then, the light of Jesus shined on the darkness of my soul and I understood.

We cannot earn His love. When we accept His Son as our Savior, we accept the love of God the Father! We become an adopted child of His! My view of God the Father sitting in the throne room has changed drastically. I not only get through the door – I can run to Him shouting “Abba, Father (Dearest Father)”! He smiles and says, “How’s the camera working?”